The End of the Desert
Mile 545.1
We woke up this morning around 7am and it was already blistering hot. We had planned to hang out at the water source for most of the day, but Workshop pointed out that if we just got moving, we could knock out the 6 miles to the next river before it was too hot to hike. I packed up and left, and was pleasantly surprised by very flat and easy terrain for about 4 miles. I found myself weaving through windmills and Joshua trees.
I had lunch with Hot Pink when I got to the water source, but we didn’t stay long. There were tons of people there all napping under the trees who had done the aqueduct like us, and unfortunately there just wasn’t room. I dipped my shirt and hat in the cold water and then pressed on.
About a mile or two from camp we got caught in a thunderstorm. We were up on a sort of ridge, so there wasn’t much to do but keep going as fast as we could. Since it doesn’t rain much on the PCT (especially in the desert), and I typically have a general idea of the forecast each stretch, I had my rain jacket packed at the literal bottom of all of my stuff. It was inaccessible unless I completely unpacked everything, which I couldn’t do in the rain. So instead I just got completely soaked. It honestly felt really good after being hot and covered in sand and dust for days. At least, that was until it started hailing on us.
When we got to camp I quickly set up my tent and sat inside naked while I waited for my body to air dry before putting on my sleep clothes. Assessing myself, I noticed my arms had small welts the size of peas from the hail hitting my exposed skin. It’s now peaceful and gorgeous out, as if nothing ever happened. I guess I couldn’t finish the desert without some final surprises.
We’re camped with a family of four right now, their two kids are 7 and 9. It’s really cool to see a family doing this together, and awesome to see the kids enjoying so much time out in nature. One of my favorite parts of the evening was hearing the dad tell a story about how the kids keep asking to listen to the “Almond Butters” on Spotify… they’re actually referring to the “Allman Brothers”, which my group all thought was absolutely hilarious.
13.5 miles to town tomorrow where we’re spending 3 glorious nights.
Zero in Tehachapi, Recap:
3 nights in Tehachapi was just what we all needed. This last stretch of desert was honestly the toughest so far, and we all haven’t slept in a bed (or indoors) since Wrightwood, 200 miles ago. We rented an Airbnb for 2 nights and then stayed with a generous trail angel our last night there.
One of the things we worked on while there was getting our PCT permits changed. All of our original permits were for us to go from Mexico to Canada in a continuous northbound push. Now that the snow in the Sierra is as dangerous as it is this year we had all decided to “flip” up to Northern California where conditions were better. We would continue hiking north to Canada from there, and then return to NorCal to hike south through the Sierra in the Fall. This strategy would allow us to avoid the intense snow travel and dangerous water levels. It would also allow us to hike through the Sierra when more of the actual trail is exposed (rather than buried in a record breaking snowpack), jump into alpine lakes, see wildflowers, and overall get the type of Sierra experience we were personally looking for. It’s also beneficial as we can stay slightly ahead of wildfire season in NorCal and Oregon.
It was difficult to get a hold of the PCTA office because they had such a large number of people trying to flip their permits also. It seems like most people on trail this year are flipping in some sort of way. Luckily on our last day in Tehachapi, we got an email saying all of our permits had been changed. We were so relieved! Now we were able to move forward with our plans, and it felt really good to not be in limbo anymore.
This also meant I could finally make solid plans to see Erich now that I knew what I would be doing. We decided that he would fly out to Lake Tahoe where I would meet him and we’d spend the week together there before I had to start the trail again from Chester, CA.
So many things were now in motion, including our final stretch of the Southern California desert.
Mile 572.9
We left Tehachapi today and it was really exciting. This is our last stretch of the desert! We’ll make a small pit stop around Ridgecrest for some more food, but we won’t be spending the night there. Tehachapi feels like the last desert town stop.
Something exciting about today is that I got to switch my map to the Sierra Nevada map! On FarOut, the app we use to navigate, the Sierra map begins just north of Tehachapi. When we got to the road crossing, I was so happy and it felt like such a moment. I called my mom to express how big of a moment this was, and it was so amazing to share the experience with her. I’ve officially finished the PCT desert map, and it’s a really good feeling. However, there’s still a little over a hundred miles of the actual desert to go.
After a good start to the day, the second half was really tough. We had a big climb and it was SO windy, the windiest day on trail so far. There were moments where I was honestly scared. It felt like I could get pushed off the ridge. There was one area in particular where there was a drop off on either side of the trail, a bit of a catwalk, and the wind was gusting so hard I was constantly bracing myself in suspense of the wind increasing and pushing me to the side. I was with Mountain Man during it all, and I’m so glad we were together. The whole experience was pretty intense, and I’m curled up in my sleeping bag now under the protection of a grove of trees with the others, praying for sleep.
Turn the sound on to listen to the wind from that night. Luckily being under the trees my tent was protected.
Mile 594.1
…I'm so tired. I’m feeling dejected.
I’m just too slow for this group. I’m always last to camp, and it’s really been wearing on me. I love them all so so much, but I just don’t have fun during the actual hiking anymore. It just hurts and is lonely. Everything is always better when I’m with the group, but in those hours when I’ve seen no one and I’m just willing myself forward to get to camp, it really sucks.
I called Erich earlier and just bawled from exhaustion. I’m so ready to see him, I’m just aching. It’s good motivation to get me through this section, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Later on when I had about one more mile left to get to camp, I bawled again while I was walking. I knew I was the last one, that I’d have to set up camp in the dark, eat dinner quickly and not get as much time to relax. That’s the hard part about doing these big mile days while doing my 2-mile an hour pace. I just don’t get a lot of break time, so then I’m always feeling overworked and exhausted. Today was physically exhausting, but more so mentally and emotionally I feel really done.
Tomorrow we plan to only go 16 miles and I think I really need that. Around 16 miles today I took a break at about 5pm, and I was so bummed I couldn’t set up camp right there and enjoy the evening off my feet... Instead I had to spend another 2.5 hours walking with this heavy pack on my shoulders, pounding my feet against the hot earth.
Tomorrow is a lot of climbing but at least it’s not a consistent climb. And 16 miles feels way more doable.
I can’t wait to see Erich.
Mile 610.1
Better day today mentally. Still had a tough time near the end of the day because my feet are just so so so sore... if my feet didn’t ache, it would be a lot more enjoyable. I thought that getting a new pair of my shoes would solve my blister and sore feet issues, but with input from the others I think I need to try a different shoe completely.
We did 16 miles today and I still feel like I worked for them. Tomorrow the group is planning on doing 22 to get to the next water source, and it scares me to even think about it... we might end up doing less and just dry camping, but we’ll see. I just don’t know if my feet can take it.
On a positive note, the terrain has been absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous pines, big boulders, rolling terrain with a nice, well-maintained trail. I love being in the forest. I feel like it’s so nice to have the shade, and after being exposed for so long and honestly beginning to take the big views for granted, it’s nice to be sheltered for a bit.
Mile 625.8
This morning I woke up and packed up by 5:30am, and the entire time I was holding back tears. I’m exhausted and sore, and doing 22 miles today was the last thing I wanted to do. It didn’t sound fun, didn’t sound like anything I wanted to be doing, and I wasn’t sure if I should just do less and camp without the group, or push myself and just get there.
I left camp feeling dejected, but was luckily welcomed by lovely terrain for the 7 miles to the water cache. About a mile from the cache, Bubbles passed me and asked how I was. I told him I didn’t want to go the entire 22 today, and he said he felt the same. It gave me a little hope as I continued on, but I still couldn’t hold back my tears as I pressed on.
When I got to the water cache, Bubbles and Stakes were there. I laid out my mat, sat down, put my hat over my face and just started silently crying. I felt embarrassed, dejected, frustrated, in pain, lonely, isolated, and extremely sad. This was the lowest I’d ever felt on trail.
The boys asked me what was going on, and I finally just let it all out. I told them how I’d been feeling the last few days and weeks, and how it had just been building and building. I told them about how I was exhausted pushing these big mileage days and how I was so lonely throughout the days while hiking. I expressed how it was demoralizing to always be last to breaks and to camp. I didn’t need the group to change anything, it was me who needed to change something in order to not feel like this anymore, but I didn’t know what to do. Being with the group made me so happy, but I didn’t know if I could continue to keep up. Being alone on trail all day is fine for a few hours to a few days, but after weeks and weeks it finally broke me. These feelings had been making me wonder why I was even out here anymore. The majority of my day wasn’t fun anymore, I’m spending all of this time away from Erich, and I want to make sure that this experience is serving me and what I’m looking for. The last couple of weeks, the bad had slowly begun to outweigh the good.
The guys sweetly surprised me with total empathy for how I was feeling. They listened and allowed me to express everything, and even empathized with certain things they’d been feeling too. I felt so supported, and we ended up talking for an hour.
We decided that we would shoot for 19 miles today, and then just hike to the next water cache in the morning rather than this evening. Even though it had been a productive conversation, there were still a lot of miles to hike in the exposed heat. After a few miles I ran into the guys standing under some of the only shade around. I was surprised to bump into them, because I normally never catch up to anyone. We chatted for a moment and then started hiking in a line together. I started to get suspicious that they were waiting for me as a result of our conversation. I was really grateful that they would be willing to do that, even though it was not my intention to ask anyone to change their behavior just for me. At the end of the day, we’re all responsible for our own happiness and decisions out here, but it was comforting to have the guys looking out for me. I really felt a sense of friendship in that moment.
After another mile or so we stopped under the shade of a few Joshua trees. I expected we’d only be there for a few minutes, but it turned into a multi-hour, unplanned siesta. We talked and laughed, and even were joined by Mountain Man and then Huck who we hadn’t seen in a while. It was so nice to just enjoy some company and togetherness, and appreciate the little things again. The boys pointed out how the grass on a distant hillside was shimmering in the sun as it moved with the wind. I realized I hadn’t taken the time to appreciate something beautiful like that in what felt like a long time.
I left the siesta first in order to give myself enough time to hike the last few miles of the day. After about 3-4 miles I stopped for a break at the top of a climb and found I had 3 bars of service! I called Erich and had such a nice conversation with him for about 30-40 minutes. As I finished the call the guys caught up with me and suggested just camping here for the night. It was already 6pm, and we would have had to hike another couple of hours to get 19 for the day. I lit up with the thought of stopping here, and we all decided to set up camp. I feel so at peace and so supported by Stakes and Bubbles. We had a great evening getting to relax and enjoy camp, and were joined later by Mountain Man which was the icing on the cake.
I feel renewed and hopeful for the first time in a while, and I can’t express how grateful I am to the guys for helping to turn this day, and my overall hike, around.
Mile 639.6
I’m stopped for a siesta under some beautiful pines in a wonderfully flat tenting area. I’m laying on my back staring up at the blue sky through the green pines, the sun peering through the branches. Listening to Solar Power by Lorde. This moment. Right here.
Mile 644.9
At camp for the night after 19 miles. It felt like a much better day than what I’ve been going through the last couple weeks. I felt calm all day and really positive, and we even took a multiple hour siesta until 5pm. It was just really nice.
Feeling grateful again and again for Bubbles, Stakes, and Mountain Man. I really am so happy to have had the last couple of days with them. Also, the scenery today was spectacular, and we saw the Sierra mountains for the first time.
I’ll be at Walker Pass tomorrow, which is the last stop before hitting the end of the desert. Pretty fucking cool. There was a point a few days ago where I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it. I think being with the guys for a few days really made a difference. They’re a lot of fun but also chill and just happy to be out here and have a good time. They don’t put pressure on themselves and they’ve helped me see that it’s possible to just do what feels right each day. I appreciate that a lot.
—
I didn’t journal for a few days after this. I felt a lot more present with the others, and took the time to really appreciate the last few days of the desert. We took a small pit stop in Ridgecrest once we got to Walker Pass so we could resupply, and headed back to the trail that evening. After a gorgeous 4 mile climb and ridge walk, we rejoined the rest of our group who had been ahead of us for a few days. It was so wonderful to see them, it felt like a reunion. We also met back up with the Umbrella People which was so lovely! They’d been a day or two ahead of us since Big Bear, and it was wonderful to see them on trail again.
The next couple of days brought beautiful scenery and lots of laughs with the group. When we get to Kennedy Meadows (the end of the desert) my group is going to be hiking the 50 miles to Lone Pine to get a taste of the Sierra, but I’ll be heading north via car to Lake Tahoe to be with Erich for a week. I think we’ll all get back together again in Chester, but since the future of what everyone is doing or wants to do is semi-uncertain, I took the time to appreciate each of them, and really take a good look at who I had surrounding me. I felt grateful for each and every one of them.
Mile 694.8
Tomorrow morning I walk into Kennedy Meadows. It’s extremely surreal that I just wrote that sentence. I’m so happy with the beautiful people I’ve been hiking with, the scenery has been incredible, and I’m just feeling so grateful, accomplished, happy, tired...
The desert was not easy. I struggled in the brutal heat, and saw too many snakes to count. I was getting my trail legs and meeting so many people. It’s where I learned to pitch my tent properly, how to cook out on trail, what foods I like and don’t, how to make decisions that benefit me, how to work in a group dynamic, how to stay warm at night, how to be more comfortable with being very uncomfortable... I had extreme highs and huge low points. My feet have taken a beating.
Currently I haven’t showered in 9 days, the most ever on trail so far. I’m spending the night 8.6 miles from the road to Kennedy Meadows with Girl Scout, Bubbles, Stakes, Hot Pink, and Workshop. Such a beautiful group of people. The Umbrella People are camped just a few feet away. The desert was defined for me by:
Ziploc
Super Noodz
Mountain Man
Girl Scout
Shortcut
Bubbles
Hot Pink
Stakes
Workshop
The Umbrella People
Camp Daddy
Huck
Eagle
And so many more!
Zip was my day one, and I know I’ll continue to be close with her no matter what happens. Bubbles, Stakes, and Mountain Man were there for me this last week when I was having one of my lowest times on trail, and their encouragement and love really turned the end of the desert around for me. I have so much love for them. Girl Scout is the person I’ve been with the longest, and she taught me that I can do so much more than I thought I was capable of. She was the one to encourage me to start hiking bigger miles, and told me I could do it before I believed I could. She has been a constant, and I’m grateful for her companionship. The people I’ve been able to hike with for the last 700 miles have been such a gift, and I feel so honored to have been a part of each of their stories.
I can’t believe this chapter is closing. Nothing too big is really changing, but going up north feels like new things are on the horizon, and I’m unsure where these next miles will take all of us. Stakes keeps referring to NorCal as “Season 2”, and we all agree it feels like the end of one era and the start of another. Same characters, but new adventures to experience.
703 miles. I just am so proud of myself for getting this far. I love myself, and I’m so proud of myself that I pushed to get here, and never gave up.
I’m so grateful (is grateful even a big enough word?) for Erich being so supportive and telling me to never give up. He was always there for me, always answered my calls, and I just can’t even describe what his piece in this experience has meant to me. Erich, I love you so much.
My Desert High: The days before and after Wrightwood. It was gorgeous and the miles felt good, even when they were tough. I saw Mountain Man after several weeks, and then we saw some of the most beautiful views on trail so far. It all happened after I’d almost road-walked that day, and it made me realize all the good that comes from doing hard things.
Wrightwood itself was awesome and the few days leaving Wrightwood I really loved. It was freezing, but I’ll always remember my first cowboy camp in the middle of Highway 2 with the whole group in a row.
My Desert Low: Either climbing up toward San Jacinto or the few days before I finally opened up to Bubbles and Stakes about being so low mentally. Those were my toughest days on trail for sure.
I truly can’t believe I’ve come this far. When I walk into Kennedy Meadows tomorrow, I’ll have gone 703 miles from Campo, CA on foot. It’s hard to explain what this feels like, but all I know is my heart feels incredibly full, my feet ache like they never have before, my back is sore, my skin has layers of grime, and my gear is disgusting. It’s absolutely incredible.
See you in Northern California… :)
